I had a very discouraging week and had about 9 days of losing poker. I am doing my best at continuing to play as well as I know how, but I have been "fighting" with self-doubt that I will ever make it as a "winning professional". It is amazing the amount of "demons" I find in myself that come out when I have a number of losses in a row. (My demons, are critical "inner voices & depression, and negative thoughts about the future) However, I am still doing my best to play my best "outer game" and attempt to win the "inner game" too.
I took the RV to Sycuan Casino on Martin Luther King eve and played an evening tournament and the holiday tournament. Didn't place well in either one of them. Though, on this trip, I had three different playing scenarios that encouraged me and I can look at as "evidence" that I can make it.
Sunday night within a few hours of starting my two days of poker, I lost $500 of the $600 (by two "bad beats" & a "bad call by me") that I took with me as my "bankroll" for this trip.
Because I only have a "total bankroll" of $10,000 I try to risk no more then 6-10% of it each trip. Because I have access to many places to play near my home. I also set a "stop loss amount" (the amount, I take with me to the casino) and I avoid using the ATM to add to my cash when I am at the casino. That is part of the disipline I impose on my poker playing along with not playing any house games like Blackjack, craps, or slot machines.
So I went to bed in the RV in the parking lot, about midnight, and set the alarm to wake up in time for the 10 A.M. tournament.
Now, I had planned on being there all day Monday, MLK day until late into the evening and the buy-in for the 10 a.m. tournament was $35. That will leave me $65 to play on all day after the tournament. It might become a very short day of poker. But, I do have a novel with me, along with two poker books to study, and since I am only 35 miles from home I do have a few options if I lose my $65.
However, I am committed to playing as much as I can, and playing the "best poker" I know how to. So after getting knocked out of the morning tournament (with pocket kings of course) I go back to the RV for an hour long nap.
After walking back to the casino I sit down at a N/L table where the minimum buy-in is $50 and for the next 8 hours "grind" my $65 buy-in up to $500 (So, my 1st "evidence" I can utilizeto support my belief, (that I can be successful) is the steady "grind-up" on a no-limit table.)
At about 10 p.m. I decide to begin driving home still $100 down.
I "catch my second wind" on my drive home and decide to stop at the "Village Club" card room (about 4 miles from my home) to play "a $200 rack of chips" on the 8/16 limit hold-em table.
The 8/16 game there is usually a tough game with good players, and my plan is to either "double up" my buy-in or leave after a rack loss.
However, the 8/16 game always has a "waiting list", so I am directed to a "short-handed" 3/6 limit hold'em game until my 8/16 seat comes available. At this table there are three regulars, three I don't recognize, and a "drunk" with a "huge stack" in front of him. It was all won at this table by playing almost every single hand and raising almost every hand, (between ordering beers.)
I buy-in for $80 and on my very first hand, my cards are 10c & Qc.
I am behind the button and by the time it comes to me there are 5 callers. So I call, and the drunk raises, someone else raises, and it is capped for $12 with over $80 already in the pot. The flop comes Ac,Kc,10h.
I now have a pair of 10's, and one club needed for the best possible flush. By the time the pot comes to me it has been raised, so I re-raise and the "drunk" caps it again. The turn comes Qd.
Now, beside the best flush possiblity, I have two pair and with one of 15 possible cards could end up with , a straight, a full-house or a royal flush. The betting continues and my entire buy-in, is now in a pot, that is over $400 at a 3/6 table! The river card is a 7s.
(As you can probably guess the drunk had Js, & 2h winning that pot as he had many others with very bad starting cards.)
I re-buy $60 more and prepare to take him on again. I watch player after player self-destruct by playing many-many not-so-good hands against the "drunk's" really bad hands. He continues to beat them with worse cards including beating me, with a loose 9/10 starting hand I played him with.
It is almost like people are thinking "I can play "weak hands" and get my money back, because he is playing such horrible hands. "
Finally, with a calm detached focus I realize that I can get my money back from him, by playing my best game, and only really good hands. An hour later, he has no money, and myself and the others who took that approach had our money back from his stack. I realized in this illustration that I do "know how to beat the game" and it is all about playing good poker against others who play less then good poker and you will win eventually. That became illustration number 2 for me this day.
The 3rd illustration occurred when I got in my 8/16 and played against 7 really good players, and 2 others that played fairly well. In a couple of hours of small flucurations by playing "really tight" I was up a $100 and decided to go home completly even for this trip.
I didn't make any money, but I feel like I learned and re-learned some really very valuable lessons on this poker trip.
I had about a day to enjoy the feelings and thoughts of the above when I began playing on-line tonight. My on-line poker stories are another matter and ones I will talk about at another time.
Except for this one......
Tonight on-line on Party-Poker.....
I played a $30 one-table tournament and placed 3rd for $50
Then I bought into a $10 multi-table tournament and lost the 2nd hand of the tournament with KJ against a KQ.
Then this third tournament for $20 began where I began playing with a feeling that I was going to do very well in it. After the first three hands then I folded, I came up on my first big blind and the following hand occurred.
I had 10d Ac. The blinds are 15. I am the big blind and come in with no raise with two other callers. The flop comes Kd, 3d, Qc. Giving me a "gutshot" straight draw. The small blind bets $60 the size of the pot. I call the $60 intending to leave if there is a raise and the button just calls. The turn card comes Jc giving me a "straight to the Ace." The small blind goes all-in for 860 the amount I have left. There is no pair and no flush possiblity on the table so I call all-in, and another Jh comes on the river giving his QJ a full house of jacks overs queens. I have had about 6 or 7 beats just like that in the last week. That is when it is hard not to think "there is a design in the universe that is out to keep me from winning at poker".
Well, look like I am back to "dealing with the inner demons"...
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